by Belinda Lams

You've been drinking the same water for years. It tastes fine.... 
Until one day, you are handed a glass of pure, crystal clear water. 

You sip. 

This is amazing!  Unbelievable! You wonder what you've been drinking all these years. Was it even water? 

So it is with love. When you experience a love that penetrates to your depth—love that knows, accepts, prefers, envelops, bestows, heals—then all that is not love is now perceptible.

We live in a murky realm. We attempt to give love. We long to receive love. But there are so many guards blocking the way. 

Vulnerability would surely reveal the shame, insecurity, unworthiness that is buried deep within. 

We spend precious energy protecting old wounds—energy that, if released, could nurture the love we crave.

But we don't notice, and instead tolerate the familiar landscape. We drink the water we know.

Then love cracks open the door and shines its pure light, offering a glimpse of the truth we secretly hoped was there. We recognize the impurity and resignation of our lives. We now know what is possible. 

by Belinda Lams

Alright. Step up on the scale. Let's see how you're doing. Feel a bit nervous?  You're not alone. 

Accurate assessments of your current condition can be like a cold splash of water in the face.  You can't lie to yourself. You can't pretend. The facts are there staring back at you.

If the scale doesn't lie, and you don't like what it says, then what are your options?  Certainly, you can dismiss the findings as impossible. You can feel shocked and bewildered. You can become depressed and despairing. Or you can find some kind of inner resolve to change your life. 
 
          To change your life requires willingness and trust to let go.

Willingness to let go of the habits, the clutter, the thought patterns, the ideology...anything that prevents you from achieving your "ideal weight."  And trust to believe that when you leave a space, it will be better than holding onto what you have right now. 

What is weighing you down?  What is in that bag of rocks you're dragging behind you everywhere you go?

Perhaps there is a relationship you need to release, a commitment you need to re-negotiate, a space you need to clear, a resentment you need to drop.

Whatever you discover when you step on that scale, let it incentivize you to release anything that is between you and where you want to be.

by Belinda Lams

You finally admitted that you're stuck and you really need to change your life. You are in angst and frustration and it's not getting better. You've prayed, cried, begged for something to change, but it hasn't happened...yet.

Reminds me of this old joke.   

A man is sitting on his porch when flood waters begin to rise. A woman floats by in a boat and offers him help. He says, "No, I'm waiting for God to help me."  

Flood waters get higher. The man moves upstairs. A rescue boat comes to his house and the officer tells him to get in. He says, "No. I'm OK. God will provide."  

Flood waters rise even higher and now he's up on the roof. A helicopter flies overhead and lowers a ladder. The man shouts, "No thanks!  The Lord will save me!"  And with that, he is overtaken by the flood waters to his death.  

Appearing before the Almighty, he asks why God didn't save him after he pleaded for help and had faith that could move mountains.  God says, "I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter.  What more did you want?" (p'dum pum)

Sometimes we don't recognize the very obvious thing that could answer our prayers. We get so used to our well-worn path of pain and can't imagine that making a even a slight shift could put us on the road to freedom. 

Remember the Bible story of the Israelites enslaved in Egypt?  When the long-awaited opportunity came to spring, not all of them left. Some of them opted to stay and complain rather than risk the unknown trek into freedom. Perhaps the pain of staying has to be greater than the fear of leaving.  

The road to true freedom is the road less traveled. Will you take it?

by Belinda Lams

I was coaching a woman a while back who was struggling to describe her current situation.  She said, "I'm in this place where I just can't stand to be in my life the way it is anymore. It's feeling empty and I'm checked out. I'm eating too much, breaking my commitments, blowing off time on the internet. I need to find something else, otherwise I'll just go crazy.  I just don't know what I want right now. I'm lost."  

I said to her, "You're in a transition."  She immediately felt a sense of relief.  The word transition named it and also gave her hope that she wasn't eternally lost. She was just in a season.

I love that about names. When we name something, it's as if we draw a circle around it, giving it borders and definition. We put it in a container and it helps us regain a sense of control and purpose.

I remember when I named my "lost" period last year.  I came to a halt with my business and needed to step away to determine if I wanted to continue. I really didn't know what was going on with me except that I had to stop.  For a few weeks, I felt really horrible about myself. Why couldn't I just force myself to get back in there?  But instead of fighting a losing battle, I listened to my inner voice and stepped back for a season. In trying to describe what was going on to others,  I longed to quantify it...sum it up.  It dawned on me to give this experience a name. The perfect name was Sabbatical.  Yes. I was taking a Sabbatical. I could live with that. This season had a name and a purpose and I was relieved and grateful. 

In "Mindsight" by Daniel Siegel, he talks about putting a label on your emotions. When you feel fear, encapsulate the emotion with a word. Fear is not all of who we are, but in the moment, it feels like it's our whole identity and will last forever.  He says, "Name it to tame it." 

Same with Steve Pressfield in his book, "The War of Art."  He personifies the creative struggle as Resistance, with a capital R. Resistance is real AND it's not all of who we are. It's manageable.

It reminds me of when I used to organize homes. At the end of the whole process,  I would pull out my label-maker and stick a name on a container of items. Office Supplies. Tech Cords. Memorabilia. It corralled the chaos.

Is there some amorphous experience you're having that is causing you to feel overtaken, confused, lost, out of control?  

Give it a Name.

by Belinda Lams

What used to work doesn't work. 
What used to fit doesn't fit. 


I noticed that my mint plant has been shriveling quickly after watering.  As a novice gardener, I FINALLY realized there may be a problem with the roots.  


I lifted up the container to investigate underneath.  Sure enough, I discovered the roots desperately reaching out through the holes. They had outgrown their current container and went on a mission to find nourishment. 

Common sense says it's time to transplant the mint into a larger container with fresh soil. (No, I haven't done it yet. Why would I listen to someone named Common Sense?) 

How many times do we try to force ourselves to stay in a container that just doesn't fit anymore?  Whether it's a role, a job, a dynamic, a relationship, a pattern, a belief, a paradigm?

Clearly, my mint plant will die if I don't give it the room it needs to expand and develop.

What about you? 
Where do you need to make room for yourself in your life?

by Belinda Lams

There are many ways to see things, yet we often stay committed to one version of reality...even if it keeps us stuck.

A while back, I had a coaching session with a woman who was convinced she couldn't do what she really wanted to do with her life.  

She longed to change careers, but was certain it would lead to her demise. She figured it was better to stay unhappy and unfulfilled for the rest of her life than take that risk into the great unknown.

How many times do we choose to stay on that path of mild despair?  We opt for what isn't working instead of learning how to courageously navigate what could potentially work very well.

I get it. I go through this on a daily basis. Here's what I am learning...

Just because something seems like the only option doesn't mean that it is. It just means that it is all I am willing to see. I am looking at my situation through a certain frame which creates this picture. 

So what is the obvious solution?  Reframe, of course. This is a common practice in coaching. We help our clients see what isn't working in their lives and then be willing to shift the way they perceive their situation until they find the release. 

Where are you stuck in your life? What belief, behavior, excuse are you holding tightly, even though it is slowly draining the life out of you?

There is a whole reality outside of the frame you have around your circumstances, your beliefs, your rules, and your patterns. 

Here's a starting point:
Even if you're not willing to change anything at the moment, try reframing your picture to explore some possible new scenarios.  Notice where you feel a sense of relief, openness, hope.

"There are better and worse ways to live, " says one of my teachers, Rabbi Mordecai Finley.  What if you choose better?

Belinda Lams

"My body was filled with pure light. I felt each cell start to go through a metamorphosis. It was pure bliss. Death transformed me into another kind of body. It's beautiful."

This is the account Kristine, my dental hygienist, shared with me as she scraped my teeth clean. 

It happened a year and half ago. Kristine, in her late 50s, had picked up a heavy ladder to put in her car. She felt a pressure surge into her head as if her brain was exploding. A clear and firm voice from inside her told her to call 911 because she only had 5 minutes. She giggled with joy that He would speak to her directly. Then...she called 9-1-1.  

The operator kept her on the phone while the paramedics raced to pick her up. All the while Kristine was slipping away. Her next memory was in the light. No pain. No fear.

A voice told her that they knew she was tired in her life. They said she could stay there, or choose to come back to earth because there were a few more things for her to do. She said, "I'm very tired, but I love you so much.  I'll go back."  

She awoke to find herself in ICU and learned she had suffered a brain aneurism. During her time in the hospital, she found out that her 29 year-old daughter had become pregnant. Kristine was able to help her daughter through a rough pregnancy of bedrest, and now enjoys caring for her beautiful granddaughter almost every day. It's the joy of her life. 

She shared with me some deep lessons that she understood immediately while in the light. 

All of us are here for a purpose. We are all connected, but feel separate down here in this murky realm. We must accept that each person we encounter and each situation we have is what we need to experience. Things don't make sense down here, but they do up there. We need to become aware of our lives. Accept ourselves. Accept each other. Learn. Love.

She told me she would go through many more brain aneurisms just to have that experience again. 

by Belinda Lams

My husband and I started an organic vegetable garden a couple weeks ago. We planted eggplant, tomato, jalapeno, persian cukes, radishes, spinach, kale, and lettuce.

Everyday, we run out to the garden to see if anything has happened. Are they growing? Did they get eaten by our resident possum posse?  Do they need more water? Less water?

(I actually brushed aside the top dirt to see if there were any germinating sprouts that hadn't popped through yet.  Can you say over-anxious?)

We had planted 16 radish seeds in a 4X4 pattern.  14 of them popped through, but the other 2 hadn't sprung yet. I started worrying about those 2 seeds. Why haven't they grown like the others?  Is something wrong with them? All the other ones seem to be doing just fine. 

Ok...let me get to my point, cuz you know I've got one.  

I too had been feeling like those 2 radish seeds that were still under the dirt. I was feeling like it was taking me forever to figure out my life. I started comparing myself to all the other people who have sprouted.  They are all so evolved. I'm still under here under the dirt, trying to germinate. There must be something wrong with me. Why is it taking me so long?!

And now, the lesson:  

We all develop in our own time. In our own way. Forcing ourselves to develop faster than we can doesn't work. I know. I've tried it. 

If we become aware and accept where we are, we can unfold beautifully and naturally...even enjoy the growth process.

So, I have since realigned with my own unique pace of growth.  I will pop up when I've had enough time under the ground.  

BTW, the other 2 radishes have emerged and they're doing just fine.

by Belinda Lams

FIND WHERE YOUR SPIRIT DWELLS...AND FEED IT

I've been walking past this sign for a week now. It's posted on a marquis at the corner church/synagogue that I pass on my way to the gym. 

It got me thinking...We all feed our body, right? If we don't get nutrition, we get depleted, sick, and eventually die. Ok. That's obvious.

(I just heard of models eating cotton balls and tissue to fill their stomachs. REALLY????!!!!!)

Now our soul, our inner being, is more subtle than our body. Harder to find. Maybe that's why the sign says to find where it dwells. Maybe that's why so many people don't nourish their inner lives.

We have a hunger, a longing, but it can be quickly staved off by filling up on some cotton ball activities.  There's always an empty substitute available.

If we keep doing this, we will end up with soul anorexia. We will become the busy, distracted, walking dead.

What nourishment does your soul need? It may not be the same meal all the time.  What does it need right now?

We must feed our souls to thrive.  
We must find our souls to feed them. 
We must make time to find our souls...every day.

by Belinda Lams

I had finally mustered up the courage to share my opinion in a group discussion.
Immediately, I was corrected by a woman who told me that I was wrong and proceeded to explain how her opinion was the right opinion.

While I listened to her expound on why I needed to think like her, I felt this underlying pain inside. She touched an old wound that had been lying dormant for a while. 

I learned long ago not to share my opinions with certain people and then I wouldn't have that pain. But instead, I decided to risk and there it was...the old wound being irritated by the salt of her words.

I began to do what I normally do; mull it over and over, indulging the pain, then making a vow to never do THAT again. It's kind of like throwing a bandage over a large bleeding cut that really requires stitches in order to heal properly. The bandage will protect for a bit. It's a quick, temporary measure. But, anytime the wound is bumped, the bleeding will start again. 

But this time, instead of going down my well-worn path of putting on the bandaid, I remembered that I could do something different. I  became curious about my old wound. I decided that perhaps it was time to find healing. 

Old wounds are only recurring because we haven't healed them yet. So, when pain surfaces, perhaps it is telling us that it wants to be healed. We have the choice to exacerbate, tolerate, ignore, or shove it back into the depths. We also have the choice to bring it up, examine it, and give it some proper stitches.

I chose stitches. It will take a while to heal. I know it must be consciously cared for until the pain diminishes. Hopefully, I'll only be left with a small scar to remind me of the choice I made.