by Belinda Lams

There are many ways to see things, yet we often stay committed to one version of reality...even if it keeps us stuck.

A while back, I had a coaching session with a woman who was convinced she couldn't do what she really wanted to do with her life.  

She longed to change careers, but was certain it would lead to her demise. She figured it was better to stay unhappy and unfulfilled for the rest of her life than take that risk into the great unknown.

How many times do we choose to stay on that path of mild despair?  We opt for what isn't working instead of learning how to courageously navigate what could potentially work very well.

I get it. I go through this on a daily basis. Here's what I am learning...

Just because something seems like the only option doesn't mean that it is. It just means that it is all I am willing to see. I am looking at my situation through a certain frame which creates this picture. 

So what is the obvious solution?  Reframe, of course. This is a common practice in coaching. We help our clients see what isn't working in their lives and then be willing to shift the way they perceive their situation until they find the release. 

Where are you stuck in your life? What belief, behavior, excuse are you holding tightly, even though it is slowly draining the life out of you?

There is a whole reality outside of the frame you have around your circumstances, your beliefs, your rules, and your patterns. 

Here's a starting point:
Even if you're not willing to change anything at the moment, try reframing your picture to explore some possible new scenarios.  Notice where you feel a sense of relief, openness, hope.

"There are better and worse ways to live, " says one of my teachers, Rabbi Mordecai Finley.  What if you choose better?

by Belinda Lams

I love to help people find a compelling vision for their lives. What we can envision is possible to actualize. 

We are all beneficiaries of people who have taken a vision in their heads and created a genius invention, a piece of art, a curriculum, a formula, a cure.

All of the great imagineers hit a wall; that stuck place where they can't find their next step. It may feel like a crisis and the temptation is to give up. However, the wall has a door, but it needs to be found. The problem isn't the lack of a door, but the inability to "see" the door. 

Here are some blocks that prevent "sight" and some simple remedies (And yes, please try these at home):

•It's too dark. Get more light.
•Your vision is blurry. Use magnification.
•You have cataracts. Get surgery to peel them off.
•You're wearing dark glasses. Remove them.
•Your eyes are closed. Open them. 
•Your eyes are diseased. Seek healing. 
•You're looking in the wrong direction. Turn your head.
•You're staring at the door, but your mind is elsewhere. Wake up and be present.
•You're staring at the door and don't recognize it. Get a new perspective.

Where is your door? 
What is blocking your vision? 
What do you need in your life to help you see?

by Belinda Lams

What is your pet story? (Not the one about your dog). What is your favorite well-worn negative story about yourself? What have you been using to define yourself in the world?

Recently, a woman was telling me about her relationship with her boyfriend. She hasn't been sure if he is fully committed to her. He doesn't communicate for a while, then shows up again as if nothing happened. She has been starting to wonder if he might be using her...but then quickly explains, "Well, I'm insecure you know. I've always been that way."  That's her pet story. 

Another person told me that the reason he is stuck in life is because of his "primal self-loathing and shame."  When I pushed in a little bit to explore the possibilities of freedom, he defended his position as if it was sacred territory. He could never let that one go. That's his pet story. 

We all have at least one pet story. It's a belief, idea, or judgment that we've attached to our identity and use to operate in the world. It typically gives us license to be much less than we can be. If we don't have the story, then what? Who are we without it?

Try this exercise. I'd love to hear what you discover.

•Define your pet story.
•Give it margins and see it as separate from the real you.
•Examine and determine what it would be like if you didn't have it in your operating system.
•If you're willing, try letting it go as an experiment.
•If you like living without it, consider leaving it behind.
•If you prefer living with it, then by all means....