by Belinda Lams

I was recently asked to describe what I "do." 
What is my particular brand of coaching?  I said to this gentleman, "Well, at the core, I help pull out the essence of a person, which tends to get buried under there somewhere," pointing to the heart.

"Then I help the person align to that truest, highest part of who they are and learn how to live from that authentic center in everyday life."

He said, "So...you're a chiropractor for the soul." 

Hmmm.

Think about it. What is it like to be out of alignment in your body?  It's uncomfortable. It starts to wreak havoc on your nerves, muscles, and movement. Now apply that to your life in general. When you are out of alignment with your true self, life isn't working very well. You have inner conflict. You have a sense of dis-ease...disease.

On the flip side, what is is like to be in alignment?  Things seem right. Congruent. Life is working, flowing, healthy. You have a sense of well-being. (If you didn't notice already, this one is better. Being in alignment with your truest self is definitely the one to pick here.)

Funny thing is, most of us walk around out of alignment a lot of the time. Why? Because it requires effort to access the deep, inner self and it's not the default position of the human being. We tend to default into our ego self (as Rabbi Finley calls it).  We walk through life solving, managing, operating in what seems to be all of who we are. But at some point, we find ourselves in some kind of turmoil, or making poor decisions, or having relationship struggles, or addiction problems. We find ourselves way, way out of alignment, chafing against the part of us that wants something better.

When we live according to our default position, though it seems pretty good (and it can be), it isn't enough. We must find that wiser, truer, still, small voice of our soul which helps us become aware of a better way to operate. In this center place, we can find love, we can find compassion, we can find forgiveness...the qualities that bring the rest of our being (including our bodies) into better form. We become aligned. At ease.

So, how do you get there?  Well, this is the first step. You need to know that it's possible. Then you need to access that higher self. On a very practical level, here is something you can try right now.

Take deep breaths and think about certain words as you slowly breathe in and out. Imagine each word filling your whole being. Words like:
 
Love...freedom...kindness...beauty...forgiveness...acceptance...hope...radiance...healing...

You can see right away that these words are from the higher self. Right?  For instance, if you say words like compete...strive...worry...manipulate...demand...blame...you will have a very different experience. (Don't use these.)

Now,  practice filling your mind and body with soulful words over and over. Drink them in. Let them wash in and through you until you feel a softening, maybe even a blissful sensation. Practice them every day, every time you think of this. Make it your prayer. You will slowly begin to shift yourself into alignment. You may notice yourself a little lighter. A little kinder. A little closer to true you.

How do you get in alignment? I would love to hear. You can email me or leave comments here.

by Belinda Lams

My friend Paula took up painting with pastel chalks. One of the brilliant attributes about pastels is the ability to erase. 

If the artist doesn't like the piece, she can actually take a brush and swipe the canvas.  However, not all of the chalk can be removed. There are remnants of texture and hue left behind. 

The beauty is that these remnants become part of the next draft. They are incorporated into the new picture, providing some of the richer qualities that weren't there the first time around. 

Paula says it makes the painting more beautiful than it was originally.  

I believe her.

The losses, the hurt, the pain, the mistakes - they are all a part of the painting we create with our lives. As we learn to incorporate the dark night of the soul, we become a person of depth; rich with color and lined with character.

by Belinda Lams

For those days when life seems unbearable, I want to offer a little remedy to help you find some relief. It won't cure you of your ails, but it will certainly lighten your load for the time being. It goes like this...

Ready?

•Grab a jar or container of some sort.

•Get a stack of post-its and a marker. 
(don't laugh...for I am the post-it queen)

•Sit quietly with yourself and listen to all your rambling negative thoughts. Feel all your negative feelings. Just allow all of everything to be present. Don't shove anything away.

•When you're ready, write each negative thought, feeling, emotion down on the post-its.
Write until you've exhausted yourself and there is not one ounce of bad air left inside your heart. 

•Fold, squash, make origami, or whatever you want to do with your post-its. Then put them into the jar. 

•Look at the jar. 
Notice that all the false thinking, disappointment, hurt, grief, fear, shame, guilt, worry, contempt, judgment, jealousy, envy, anger...it all resides in that jar. 

•Now tune into your body. 
Become aware of what it feels like to NOT house all that darkness. 

Ah oh...is there another negative thought? Did you just judge yourself? If so, you're not done. Write it down. Put it in the jar. 

•OK. Check yourself again. Are you clear? 
If so, take a moment to experience yourself unburdened. You may feel very light. You may feel neutral. You may feel tired. You may feel like laughing. Whatever is there, allow yourself to experience it. Get to know yourself without all the crap that clogs your pipes.

One more step...

•Make a commitment to hold this space just for today. 
You can go back to your negativity and pain tomorrow, but not today. Every time you think about picking up the post-its and placing them back in your body, just remember that you're not allowed to today. Those are the rules. 

If you are REALLY compelled to grab the bio-hazard in the jar and gulp it down, go for it...just wait until tomorrow. Give yourself one day to fly free. 

Good luck. Let me know how it goes. 

Love you!!!!

by Belinda Lams

I just finished Steven Pressfield's latest book, "The Authentic Swing."  If you don't know this author, look him up. He's written fantastic books, 3 of which I've read to date. 

"The Authentic Swing" unpacks Steven's creative writing process of his novel, "The Legend of Bagger Vance." He reveals the source of his inspiration as well as the deeper themes contained throughout the story. 

In this case, the main character is a golfer who sets out on a journey to find...rather...recover his authentic swing. His authentic swing is a metaphor for his unique core self which has always been there, but has been lost or forgotten throughout his lifetime. 

When I explore the truth of finding my unique self, my authentic swing, I become acutely aware of all that isn't true about myself.  All the roles I've taken on. The attempts.  The comparisons. Even stealing someone else's authentic swing. 

We all wear costumes in the attempt to hide ourselves and fool others. Deep within, we know this isn't native. At some point, if we're brave enough, we may begin the excavation.

The willingness to remove the costumes allows for a more authentic self to emerge.  Like Michaelangelo's statue hidden in the marble, we must remove the excess stone to reveal the truth of who we are.

May we all find the courage to unzip a costume, chip away at the marble, and venture ever-closer to recover our authentic swing.

(Happy Birthday to Jeff, My Love)

by Belinda Lams

In his book, "The War of Art," Steven Pressfield gives a name to the mysterious force which blocks us from getting to our important life work.  

He calls it Resistance...with a capital R.  Resistance can come from within ourselves or from without.

Internal resistance may manifest as voices in your head with suggestions of fear, doubt, procrastination, guilt, cynicism, worry, dread.  It can also show up in your body with anxiety, paralysis, illness, and the like.  Any of those sound like the kind of resistance you encounter?

External resistance often comes from outside circumstances, much like a boulder blocking your path.  It may also come from other people.  Ever have someone close to you "act out" when you attempt to change something in your life?

Whenever you seek to change, grow, or transform your life, you will be challenged by Resistance along the way. So what can you do about it?

I have a simple 5-step solution to help you become a victor instead of a victim. 

                   Resistance doesn't have to get the last word.  

I'm not saying it's easy—but I am saying it's possible.

Step #1:  Accept it.
Resistance is part of the human experience. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. On the contrary, it usually means you're on to something.

Step #2: Anticipate it.
Since it is part of life, then it doesn't have to be a big surprise any longer. In fact, you can expect that it will show up as soon as you try to take positive action, especially with your deeper life purpose.

Step #3: Acquaint yourself.
Each of us has a signature blend of Resistance. We have our vulnerabilities where Resistance can operate most effectively. Some of us are more prone to fear, some more to guilt, some to procrastination. The key here is to become acquainted with your particular brand. 

Step #4: Acknowledge it.
Once you become more conscious of your patterns, you can acknowledge when the Resistance shows up. This puts you in the seat of power. You can say, "I've been expecting you. You're not going to take me out. I've got a plan."

Step #5: Redirect it.
And the final step is to redirect the pathway of the Resistance. Instead of allowing it to have it's way with you, send it in a different direction by intercepting it before it takes you out. This requires learning some strategies and practicing them in advance.  (I teach these in my Soul Activator course). 

by Belinda Lams

Remember Jack Nicholson's famous line in "A Few Good Men?"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"  

He's right. Sometimes we can't, or don't handle the truth. Especially when it comes to telling it to ourselves. We have this amazing capacity to suppress, repress, avoid, deny, deflect, and project in order to keep the truth from coming anywhere near our consciousness.

I worked with a woman a while back who was experiencing anxiety issues and wasn't able to pinpoint the cause. I gently suggested that there was something deep inside that she wasn't willing to acknowledge.  Perhaps it was trying to make itself known by presenting as anxiety. 

She pushed back,  insisting that there was nothing she was hiding from herself.  But over time, peeling back layer by layer, it came out.  She was extremely unhappy in her marriage. Thud! She didn't want to think the thought, let alone say it out loud.  A whole life had been created around a lie which she affirmed to herself daily.

Her fear of facing reality had kept the truth buried deep below the surface.

Why? Because, it would require her to do something that she wasn't willing or ready to do. She would have to admit that her life was a disappointment, a sham. Or reveal her deep sadness at living so many years in a relational desert. She may even have to pursue divorce. Those possibilities felt like death to her, yet holding her truth in the depths was slowly killing her anyway. 

So...she allowed it to emerge. The anxiety dissipated.

Yes, the truth can be uncomfortable, even painful. 
Yes, it might require a difficult decision or a higher level of responsibility. 
And yes, it holds the key to your deliverance.

by Belinda Lams

You've been drinking the same water for years. It tastes fine.... 
Until one day, you are handed a glass of pure, crystal clear water. 

You sip. 

This is amazing!  Unbelievable! You wonder what you've been drinking all these years. Was it even water? 

So it is with love. When you experience a love that penetrates to your depth—love that knows, accepts, prefers, envelops, bestows, heals—then all that is not love is now perceptible.

We live in a murky realm. We attempt to give love. We long to receive love. But there are so many guards blocking the way. 

Vulnerability would surely reveal the shame, insecurity, unworthiness that is buried deep within. 

We spend precious energy protecting old wounds—energy that, if released, could nurture the love we crave.

But we don't notice, and instead tolerate the familiar landscape. We drink the water we know.

Then love cracks open the door and shines its pure light, offering a glimpse of the truth we secretly hoped was there. We recognize the impurity and resignation of our lives. We now know what is possible. 

by Belinda Lams

Alright. Step up on the scale. Let's see how you're doing. Feel a bit nervous?  You're not alone. 

Accurate assessments of your current condition can be like a cold splash of water in the face.  You can't lie to yourself. You can't pretend. The facts are there staring back at you.

If the scale doesn't lie, and you don't like what it says, then what are your options?  Certainly, you can dismiss the findings as impossible. You can feel shocked and bewildered. You can become depressed and despairing. Or you can find some kind of inner resolve to change your life. 
 
          To change your life requires willingness and trust to let go.

Willingness to let go of the habits, the clutter, the thought patterns, the ideology...anything that prevents you from achieving your "ideal weight."  And trust to believe that when you leave a space, it will be better than holding onto what you have right now. 

What is weighing you down?  What is in that bag of rocks you're dragging behind you everywhere you go?

Perhaps there is a relationship you need to release, a commitment you need to re-negotiate, a space you need to clear, a resentment you need to drop.

Whatever you discover when you step on that scale, let it incentivize you to release anything that is between you and where you want to be.

by Belinda Lams

You finally admitted that you're stuck and you really need to change your life. You are in angst and frustration and it's not getting better. You've prayed, cried, begged for something to change, but it hasn't happened...yet.

Reminds me of this old joke.   

A man is sitting on his porch when flood waters begin to rise. A woman floats by in a boat and offers him help. He says, "No, I'm waiting for God to help me."  

Flood waters get higher. The man moves upstairs. A rescue boat comes to his house and the officer tells him to get in. He says, "No. I'm OK. God will provide."  

Flood waters rise even higher and now he's up on the roof. A helicopter flies overhead and lowers a ladder. The man shouts, "No thanks!  The Lord will save me!"  And with that, he is overtaken by the flood waters to his death.  

Appearing before the Almighty, he asks why God didn't save him after he pleaded for help and had faith that could move mountains.  God says, "I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter.  What more did you want?" (p'dum pum)

Sometimes we don't recognize the very obvious thing that could answer our prayers. We get so used to our well-worn path of pain and can't imagine that making a even a slight shift could put us on the road to freedom. 

Remember the Bible story of the Israelites enslaved in Egypt?  When the long-awaited opportunity came to spring, not all of them left. Some of them opted to stay and complain rather than risk the unknown trek into freedom. Perhaps the pain of staying has to be greater than the fear of leaving.  

The road to true freedom is the road less traveled. Will you take it?

by Belinda Lams

I was coaching a woman a while back who was struggling to describe her current situation.  She said, "I'm in this place where I just can't stand to be in my life the way it is anymore. It's feeling empty and I'm checked out. I'm eating too much, breaking my commitments, blowing off time on the internet. I need to find something else, otherwise I'll just go crazy.  I just don't know what I want right now. I'm lost."  

I said to her, "You're in a transition."  She immediately felt a sense of relief.  The word transition named it and also gave her hope that she wasn't eternally lost. She was just in a season.

I love that about names. When we name something, it's as if we draw a circle around it, giving it borders and definition. We put it in a container and it helps us regain a sense of control and purpose.

I remember when I named my "lost" period last year.  I came to a halt with my business and needed to step away to determine if I wanted to continue. I really didn't know what was going on with me except that I had to stop.  For a few weeks, I felt really horrible about myself. Why couldn't I just force myself to get back in there?  But instead of fighting a losing battle, I listened to my inner voice and stepped back for a season. In trying to describe what was going on to others,  I longed to quantify it...sum it up.  It dawned on me to give this experience a name. The perfect name was Sabbatical.  Yes. I was taking a Sabbatical. I could live with that. This season had a name and a purpose and I was relieved and grateful. 

In "Mindsight" by Daniel Siegel, he talks about putting a label on your emotions. When you feel fear, encapsulate the emotion with a word. Fear is not all of who we are, but in the moment, it feels like it's our whole identity and will last forever.  He says, "Name it to tame it." 

Same with Steve Pressfield in his book, "The War of Art."  He personifies the creative struggle as Resistance, with a capital R. Resistance is real AND it's not all of who we are. It's manageable.

It reminds me of when I used to organize homes. At the end of the whole process,  I would pull out my label-maker and stick a name on a container of items. Office Supplies. Tech Cords. Memorabilia. It corralled the chaos.

Is there some amorphous experience you're having that is causing you to feel overtaken, confused, lost, out of control?  

Give it a Name.