by Belinda Lams

I love to help people find a compelling vision for their lives. What we can envision is possible to actualize. 

We are all beneficiaries of people who have taken a vision in their heads and created a genius invention, a piece of art, a curriculum, a formula, a cure.

All of the great imagineers hit a wall; that stuck place where they can't find their next step. It may feel like a crisis and the temptation is to give up. However, the wall has a door, but it needs to be found. The problem isn't the lack of a door, but the inability to "see" the door. 

Here are some blocks that prevent "sight" and some simple remedies (And yes, please try these at home):

•It's too dark. Get more light.
•Your vision is blurry. Use magnification.
•You have cataracts. Get surgery to peel them off.
•You're wearing dark glasses. Remove them.
•Your eyes are closed. Open them. 
•Your eyes are diseased. Seek healing. 
•You're looking in the wrong direction. Turn your head.
•You're staring at the door, but your mind is elsewhere. Wake up and be present.
•You're staring at the door and don't recognize it. Get a new perspective.

Where is your door? 
What is blocking your vision? 
What do you need in your life to help you see?

by Belinda Lams

The other day, I was about to walk past the 99-year-old father of my friend. I said a passing hello, when he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks. I've had conversations with this gentleman in the past, but none as intent as this one. 

He said in his thick Hungarian accent, "Do you know how old I am?" 

"Yes," I replied.  "You're 99."

He continued, "That's right. I want to make it to 100.  I'm almost there."  

I politely tried to excuse myself and move on with my original objective, but he insisted on keeping me there. He told me about his life, about his wonderful son and three granddaughters...all the while firmly gripping my arm and looking deeply into my eyes. I finally succumbed to his wishes and shifted my attention to being present and listening well.  It was as if he desperately needed me to know his story. 

I just found out that he passed away. He didn't make his 100th birthday. 

A wise friend of mine said that when people are on their way out (aware of it or not) they are often compelled to tell their story. It's as if the soul knows it's going to leave soon.  (Beverly apparently did the same thing before she died. See my previous blog "What Death Teaches About Life").

If the soul knows it's going to leave and wants to be known before it departs, then perhaps the story we're writing with our lives is even more important than we realize.

Something in us wants to leave a legacy. We want to know that our life mattered.

What is the story you want to write with your life? What is the legacy you want to leave behind? What are you willing to do about it?

by Belinda Lams

What is your pet story? (Not the one about your dog). What is your favorite well-worn negative story about yourself? What have you been using to define yourself in the world?

Recently, a woman was telling me about her relationship with her boyfriend. She hasn't been sure if he is fully committed to her. He doesn't communicate for a while, then shows up again as if nothing happened. She has been starting to wonder if he might be using her...but then quickly explains, "Well, I'm insecure you know. I've always been that way."  That's her pet story. 

Another person told me that the reason he is stuck in life is because of his "primal self-loathing and shame."  When I pushed in a little bit to explore the possibilities of freedom, he defended his position as if it was sacred territory. He could never let that one go. That's his pet story. 

We all have at least one pet story. It's a belief, idea, or judgment that we've attached to our identity and use to operate in the world. It typically gives us license to be much less than we can be. If we don't have the story, then what? Who are we without it?

Try this exercise. I'd love to hear what you discover.

•Define your pet story.
•Give it margins and see it as separate from the real you.
•Examine and determine what it would be like if you didn't have it in your operating system.
•If you're willing, try letting it go as an experiment.
•If you like living without it, consider leaving it behind.
•If you prefer living with it, then by all means....

by Belinda Lams

I'm fascinated by the way human beings perceive reality. We create worlds of beliefs to help us navigate our way through life. Without examination, these beliefs seem to be infallible truth. Right? 

I think I know what is going with myself and other people, only to find out that they see it a completely different way. But my truth seems more...well, true.

Sometimes  our "truth" causes us a great deal of pain. It often keeps us in our lower emotions of anger, jealousy, entitlement, resentment...you get where I'm going. So, if we were to examine our beliefs, would they hold up to scrutiny? 

I've been enjoying a book by Byron Katie called, "Loving What Is."  She has a nice little work-through to help you get to the underlying beliefs causing angst, stress, anger, etc. She calls it the 4 Questions and a Turnaround. 

Her basic premise is that we don't accept reality as it is.  We don't accept ourselves or other people. We have thoughts and beliefs about what is going on that create pain and disconnection. Our relationships suffer. We try to run other people's lives for them instead of focusing on the one we actually have power over...our own.
We project our rules of reality onto the world and they don't always work. 

In order to gain freedom from each untruth, she suggests that we formulate a statement of our belief and then ask ourselves this first question:  Is this thought true?  Then the second question: Can I absolutely prove it's true? 

When we examine our thoughts, beliefs, premises (especially the ones causing grief), we often find that they aren't always true. In fact, sometimes they're a flat out lie. 

She then suggests that once we determine if our belief is absolutely true or not,  we ask ourselves the third question: How do I feel with that thought? It's usually not very good. 

Then the fourth question: If I couldn't think the thought, how would I feel? That's a tricky one, because as soon as someone says not to think something, it's hard to stop.  But, if you play with the idea, you quickly realize that without the thought you actually feel better. It proves her point that our thoughts (beliefs) are what is causing us most of the pain. 

Then comes the turnaround. In this step you rephrase the belief a number of ways until you find one that rings more true than the way you've been spinning it. For instance, if the belief is, "My spouse should stop telling me what to do." The turnarounds could be:  I should stop telling me what to do. (How am I doing this to myself?) I should stop telling my spouse what to do. (Am I willing to live by the same rules I'm demanding?) My spouse should tell me what to do (unless he/she doesn't).  That's my spouse's choice. Huh...

I'm finding this to be extremely helpful in getting to the root of my triggers and discomforts quickly. 

How do you feel with THIS thought? :-)

by Belinda Lams

I went to Beverly's funeral yesterday. She had lived a good, long life, but her sudden death was shocking and unexpected. 

A friend sitting next to me during the service said that she would let Beverly's life remind her to seize each moment. She wouldn't wait until tomorrow to say or do the things that mattered to her.  She often waits.

Out to the gravesite, dirt being shoveled on top of the white box, a young mother said that she would keep this as a reminder to connect with her children. She gets caught up in the hustle bustle of daily life.

I was again reminded why I do what I do with my life. 

I too had the lesson at a funeral years ago. I also made a decision to make each day count.  I didn't want the hustle bustle to be my excuse. I wanted to ensure that it wouldn't take another funeral to wake me up.  

So I built it into my life's work.

I vowed to help other people find their deep desire and purpose and live it out each day. While I help them, they help me, and together we keep the lesson alive. 

This little quote sits on my desk. I found it right after my daughter died.

"Many people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life." -brian andreas

What keeps you awake?

by Belinda Lams (thx for the inspiration P)

I've been furiously writing a course on prioritizing life dreams and how to find that first place to focus (you'll hear about this very soon).

I also run Mastermind Groups and in them I have people find one thing they want to focus on for 12 weeks and see to fruition with the support of the  group. 

As I've gotten further down the road in the process, I am noticing that the one thing people focus on may not always be a dream, but the thing that is keeping them from having their dream.

One of the Group members said that so many aspects of her life opened up once she got her one big obstacle out of the way.

That one thing is like a boulder blocking the flow of water in a stream. Not much is getting around it. Once you remove it....watch out. 

What is that one thing for you? What would make the biggest difference if you were able to eliminate it from your life? What would open up?

(When you ask yourself these questions, I encourage to notice what shows up right away and don't put a judgment on it. Just notice.)

by Belinda Lams

I recently celebrated my day of birth. As I walked on my favorite trail, the sun shining on my face, I smiled with recognition that all is right in my world. At least right now. 

It's not always like this. I know all too well. Those of you who know me, know that I've lived through horrible tragedies. But on this day...all is well. And I must acknowledge this moment and not let it slip by. 

I'm tempted to think that life is supposed to always be good and just slough off the times when everything seems to be in alignment. You know, climb into cruising altitude, as if goodness is a given.

It reminds me of a friend whose mother would never praise her for her positive qualities and achievements, but was more than happy to dole out criticism when she did wrong. Her reason? "She's supposed to do good. Why should I acknowledge that?"

How often do we do that to ourselves? Hyper-focusing on the short-comings, the way life isn't working and miss all the times when it is really beautiful...when we are really beautiful.

I want to savor. 
I want to remember. 

How about you? 

by Belinda Lams

I have a friend who is embarking on a new chapter of her life. She is in the process of packing up her house to move to another state within a month's time.  There are so many quick decisions to make: finding a new place to live , hiring a moving company, should she sell her car, etc...

Time, space, and money are the boundaries...helping her make the decisions about what she can and can't do. I'm watching her whittle down her belongings to the essentials. Purge. Pack.

What are those things she wants to take forward into this next part of her life? What are the things she wants to leave behind?

If you were pressed to make a decision right now, what would you pack? What would you purge?
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What are 3 things you want to take forward in your life? 
What are 3 things you want to leave behind?

(They don't have to be physical items)

Please share your answers below.

by Belinda Lams

Welcome to my first post of 2013. 

Last night, I watched a documentary about the life of Elie Wiesel.  After surviving the atrocities of the holocaust, he became a massive advocate for human rights all over the world. 

I then looked at my new bi-line for Soul Organizer...create your best life from the inside out. It almost shocked me that my life is about helping people live their BEST life when so many people have suffered so deeply, just trying to have a life at all!  The juxtaposition...stunning.

The reason I get to do my work is because someone like Elie has done his. The foundation for freedom is starting on a much higher level in these days of human rights, especially in the US. We're not in mere survival for our lives. Most of us are not starving or being oppressed by a tyrant from the outside. The kind of suffering we typically experience is from our inner struggles and choices, or figuring out how to have relationships with other alive and free people.   

Yes, there is plenty to do in order to elevate our lives from this new foundation. I'm all about that. But, what a privilege that we are at this stage in history. I'm on my knees in gratitude.

Feel free to leave your comments.