by Belinda Lams

I was coaching a woman a while back who was struggling to describe her current situation.  She said, "I'm in this place where I just can't stand to be in my life the way it is anymore. It's feeling empty and I'm checked out. I'm eating too much, breaking my commitments, blowing off time on the internet. I need to find something else, otherwise I'll just go crazy.  I just don't know what I want right now. I'm lost."  

I said to her, "You're in a transition."  She immediately felt a sense of relief.  The word transition named it and also gave her hope that she wasn't eternally lost. She was just in a season.

I love that about names. When we name something, it's as if we draw a circle around it, giving it borders and definition. We put it in a container and it helps us regain a sense of control and purpose.

I remember when I named my "lost" period last year.  I came to a halt with my business and needed to step away to determine if I wanted to continue. I really didn't know what was going on with me except that I had to stop.  For a few weeks, I felt really horrible about myself. Why couldn't I just force myself to get back in there?  But instead of fighting a losing battle, I listened to my inner voice and stepped back for a season. In trying to describe what was going on to others,  I longed to quantify it...sum it up.  It dawned on me to give this experience a name. The perfect name was Sabbatical.  Yes. I was taking a Sabbatical. I could live with that. This season had a name and a purpose and I was relieved and grateful. 

In "Mindsight" by Daniel Siegel, he talks about putting a label on your emotions. When you feel fear, encapsulate the emotion with a word. Fear is not all of who we are, but in the moment, it feels like it's our whole identity and will last forever.  He says, "Name it to tame it." 

Same with Steve Pressfield in his book, "The War of Art."  He personifies the creative struggle as Resistance, with a capital R. Resistance is real AND it's not all of who we are. It's manageable.

It reminds me of when I used to organize homes. At the end of the whole process,  I would pull out my label-maker and stick a name on a container of items. Office Supplies. Tech Cords. Memorabilia. It corralled the chaos.

Is there some amorphous experience you're having that is causing you to feel overtaken, confused, lost, out of control?  

Give it a Name.

by Belinda Lams

FIND WHERE YOUR SPIRIT DWELLS...AND FEED IT

I've been walking past this sign for a week now. It's posted on a marquis at the corner church/synagogue that I pass on my way to the gym. 

It got me thinking...We all feed our body, right? If we don't get nutrition, we get depleted, sick, and eventually die. Ok. That's obvious.

(I just heard of models eating cotton balls and tissue to fill their stomachs. REALLY????!!!!!)

Now our soul, our inner being, is more subtle than our body. Harder to find. Maybe that's why the sign says to find where it dwells. Maybe that's why so many people don't nourish their inner lives.

We have a hunger, a longing, but it can be quickly staved off by filling up on some cotton ball activities.  There's always an empty substitute available.

If we keep doing this, we will end up with soul anorexia. We will become the busy, distracted, walking dead.

What nourishment does your soul need? It may not be the same meal all the time.  What does it need right now?

We must feed our souls to thrive.  
We must find our souls to feed them. 
We must make time to find our souls...every day.

by Belinda Lams

I love to help people find a compelling vision for their lives. What we can envision is possible to actualize. 

We are all beneficiaries of people who have taken a vision in their heads and created a genius invention, a piece of art, a curriculum, a formula, a cure.

All of the great imagineers hit a wall; that stuck place where they can't find their next step. It may feel like a crisis and the temptation is to give up. However, the wall has a door, but it needs to be found. The problem isn't the lack of a door, but the inability to "see" the door. 

Here are some blocks that prevent "sight" and some simple remedies (And yes, please try these at home):

•It's too dark. Get more light.
•Your vision is blurry. Use magnification.
•You have cataracts. Get surgery to peel them off.
•You're wearing dark glasses. Remove them.
•Your eyes are closed. Open them. 
•Your eyes are diseased. Seek healing. 
•You're looking in the wrong direction. Turn your head.
•You're staring at the door, but your mind is elsewhere. Wake up and be present.
•You're staring at the door and don't recognize it. Get a new perspective.

Where is your door? 
What is blocking your vision? 
What do you need in your life to help you see?

by Belinda Lams

The other day, I was about to walk past the 99-year-old father of my friend. I said a passing hello, when he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks. I've had conversations with this gentleman in the past, but none as intent as this one. 

He said in his thick Hungarian accent, "Do you know how old I am?" 

"Yes," I replied.  "You're 99."

He continued, "That's right. I want to make it to 100.  I'm almost there."  

I politely tried to excuse myself and move on with my original objective, but he insisted on keeping me there. He told me about his life, about his wonderful son and three granddaughters...all the while firmly gripping my arm and looking deeply into my eyes. I finally succumbed to his wishes and shifted my attention to being present and listening well.  It was as if he desperately needed me to know his story. 

I just found out that he passed away. He didn't make his 100th birthday. 

A wise friend of mine said that when people are on their way out (aware of it or not) they are often compelled to tell their story. It's as if the soul knows it's going to leave soon.  (Beverly apparently did the same thing before she died. See my previous blog "What Death Teaches About Life").

If the soul knows it's going to leave and wants to be known before it departs, then perhaps the story we're writing with our lives is even more important than we realize.

Something in us wants to leave a legacy. We want to know that our life mattered.

What is the story you want to write with your life? What is the legacy you want to leave behind? What are you willing to do about it?